Fake TV Listings
8:00 AM CBC TELETUBBIES Twinky denies he's gay but none of the other Teletubbies believe him so he hits them with his purse. PBS PLEDGE BREAK The PBS Pledge Drive continues with Sluggo the Eel. TOON THE UNCLE FUZZY SHOW Today: Uncle Fuzzy gets a new pet. A Botulism Bacterium that produces an extra special poison that is really really keen. (Last show of the series). 9:00 AM ABC LIVE WITH REGIS AND NOT KATHIE LEE - Talk Regis confesses to guest Dr. Joyce Brothers that he really does miss Kathie Lee and the way she used to ramble on about her kids Cody and Casidy. Dr. Brothers suggests Prozac and shock treatments. (60 MIN) 10:00 AM NBC THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW - Talk Transvestite lesbian crossdresser rodeo clowns for Jesus married to Nazi gay amateur hairdressers who are members of the Klan and their look-a-like pets. (60 MIN) CTV THE ROSIE O'DONNEL SHOW - Talk Rosie sings her anti gun song to guest Charlton Heston. PBS PLEDGE BREAK The PBS Pledge Drive continues with some guy dressed as Big Bird. 10:30 AM HGTV THE MR. FIX IT SHOW Today: What can we learn from eager beavers? LIFE BARBARA BOUFANT Todays topic: Advice for negligent mothers. 11:30 AM OLN THE TRAVEL SHOW Host John Sech is arrested at the airport for trying to smuggle a polish sausage into the country in his pants. 12 NOON CBC THE REGIONAL NOON NEWS Live coverage of news from some region of the country nobody really cares about. 12:00 PM CBC THE REGIONAL NOON NEWS MAGAZINE In depth coverage of the stories no one paid attention too during the Regional Noon News. TNN DIALING FOR FISH - Game Host: Wink Flounder. 2:30 PM ABC ALL MY CHILDREN - Soap Erika confronts Sam about the cat. NBC AS THE WORLD SPINS - Soap The world spins out of control and crashes into the sun. Meanwhile Nicki confronts Sam about the cat. PBS PLEDGE BREAK The PBS Pledge Drive continues with Erika's cat. 4:00 PM ABC DARMA AND GREG - Comedy Darma has a real horrible nightmare that she is sleeping with Drew Cary. Guest: Drew Carry. 4:30 PM ABC DREW CARY SHOW - Comedy Drew has a really nice dream that he is sleeping with Jenna Elfman. Guest: Susanne Sommers. 5:00 PM ABC WHO WANT'S TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? Tonight some dumb guy from Buffalo makes Regis cry when he decides he doesn't really want to be a millionaire. (30 MIN) CTV 8 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER Paul pretends he's gay so he can move in with Chrissie and Janet but the jokes on him when he learns Mr. Roper is dating his daughter. NBC FRIENDS - Comedy A bunch of friends sit around all day in a coffee shop drinking coffee and talking about stuff. FOX BOSTON PUBLIC - Drama Mr T guest stars as a no nonsense supply teacher. Pity the fool who gets detention in my class! (60 MIN) 7:30 PM ABC THE CHAIR - Game A quiz show hosted by John McEnroe where contestants are strapped to a chair and... oh never mind it's been cancelled. CBS CSI Yes Dear In order to improve ratings CBS has decided to rename all their shows CSI. Tonight the CSI team investigates why this show is still on the air. CITY SIGNFIELD & ROY - Comedy Hilarious sit-com about a Jewish New York City comic and a Las Vegas Magician who are forced to share an apartment. A rip-off of the Odd Couple by Neil Simon. NBC THE WEAKEST LINK - Game Tonights guest: George W. Bush 8:00 PM A&E BIOGRAPHY Profiles in Courage. The life story of Dr. Walter Becker, blind surgeon. Host: Peter Lupus. ABC UGLY BETTY - Comedy Betty and Veronica get in a cat fight when Ricky won't let them be big show at the club. CBC THIS HOUR HAS 22 MINUTES - Comedy Due to government cut backs at the CBC This Hour Has 22 Minutes will actually only have 18 minutes. In fact from now on all 60 minute programs will only be worth only 48 minutes American, 9:30 in Newfoundland. CBS EVERYBODY HATES RAYMOND - Comedy Spin-off of the popular sit-com Everybody Loves Raymond featuring all the people who don't really like Raymond all that much. CTV MY WIFE AND KIDS - Comedy Michael and Jay conspire and give their bickering kids a taste of their own medicine by being just as annoying and disruptive with each other causing the viewers to switch the channels. FOX 24 - Drama After his watch is stolen by terrorists Jack looses all tract of time. (60 MIN) NBC THE OFFICE - Comedy A group of corporate executives plot to defraud their stockholders. PBS PLEDGE BREAK The PBS Pledge Drive continues with two people no one knows. VISION FATHER YARFNARO - JESUIT SALESMAN - Comedy Father Yarfnaro tries his hand at selling vacuum cleaners door to door. Guest: Susanne Sommers. 8:30 PM ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS - Dance Tonight, Bongo, the dancing chicken performs. CBS BIG BROTHER 54 - Reality Just when you thought it couldn't get any worst, here's Big Brother 54. Just as boring as the others. CTV CORNER GAS Someone from Toronto visits Dogriver and makes a lot of Saskatchewan is flat jokes. NBC BURGER BUDDIES - Comedy Cindy thinks Bob is a dork for trying to give away free Nazi War Criminal Glasses during a holiday promotion at the restaurant. 9:00 PM ABC LOST The Castaways travel to the other side of the island to confront the others and are captured by the Professor and Mary Ann. (60 MIN) CBS SURVIVOR Gilligan and the Skipper gang up on the Mr Howell. Kill him and then eat him. (60 MIN) CITY MOVIE - Bad NEWFIE GRAFFITI - Sally Sockhop is sentenced to five years in prison for wearing shoes at a sox-hop. FOX AMERICAN IDOL - Reality During the Seattle auditions Simon goes berserk and kills a contestant and is scolded by Paula for being too harsh and shattering their deluded dreams of stardom. (60 MIN) NBC DATELINE NBC - News An unemployed steel worker takes a massive head injury and turns it into a national dance craze. TBS MOVIE - Marathon James Bond Marathon featuring these lest know Bond Movies. "The Spy with the Golden Thing", "Tomorrow is Yesterday", Never Again is Soon Enough", "A Big Hello from Russia", "Butterfinger" and "Thunderknobs." 10:00 PM ABC NYPD BLUE - Drama Viewer discretion advised. Sipowitz shows his bum crack. Believe me this is something you do not want to see. You'd be better off leaving the room for a snack at about 10:45. Go wash the cat, take a long walk just get out of the room! I beg you! You don't want to see this!!! (60 MIN) CBC WITHOUT A TRACE - Drama We lost tonights episode so in it's place we are going to repeat another episode of CSI again. (60 MIN) CBS CSI MIAMI - Drama The CSI team travel to Boston to help Jordan solve a case left over from last weeks Without A Trace. (60 MIN) CKVR LIFESTYLES - Reality RICH WHITE PEOPLE WITH MORE MONEY THAN THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH. - Tonight host Robin Leach takes an exclusive look at the Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt Million Dollar Wedding. Watch Brad and Jennifer blow $20,000 on fireworks shaped as hearts. (60 MIN) CTV COLD CASE - Drama The Cold Case team investigates the lost Without A Trace episode. (60 MIN) FOX ALLY McBEAL - Drama Ally is committed to a state mental hospital after she kills the dancing baby when it tells her she is too thin. Guest Star: Susanne Sommers as Dr. Fine. (60 MIN) GLOBAL HYDRO POLICE - Drama DEBUT. This new Canadian police drama features a team of Special Crime Unit Hydro Police who travel the city turning off lights forgetfully left on by energy wasting thugs. Starring Leslie Neilson. (60 MIN) NBC ER - Drama People are beginning to suspect that the new doctor at the hospital is not qualified when they learn he can't even spell ER. Guest: Susanne Sommers. PBS PLEDGE BREAK The PBS Pledge Drive continues with Susanne Sommers. No actual programs were seen today. 11:35 PM ABC NIGHTLINE - News Featuring an expose on the working conditions of illegal alien exchange students in the US on fake visas who are forced to work long hours inside poorly ventilated character costumes at Disney World. (Last show of the series?) (60 MIN) CBS LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN - Talk Tonight: "Stupid Human Tricks" with guest President George W. Bush. (60 MIN) NBC TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO - Talk No good guests tonight. Watch Dave. (60 MIN) 12:05 AM ABC JIMMY KIMMLE - Talk Tonight Jimmy welcomes a number of B List Celebrities not famous enough to be on Letterman. (60 MIN) 12:30 AM CITY MOVIE - Adventure LOST ISLAND OF THE STEVE MARTIN IMPERSONATORS - Chevy Chase. Lost explorers stumble on a lost island where the natives impersonate radio talk show host Howard Stern. (90 MIN)