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Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Riding through the night.
Soon every lupin in the land
Will be in his mighty hand
He steals them from the rich
And gives them to the poor
Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore. |
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(Towards the end of this he arrives at the
same peasant's cottage as before, dismounts and runs to the cottage
door. He pauses. From inside the cottage we hear quiet moaning. Cut
to inside the cottage. In this rude hut, lit by a single candle, the
female peasant lies apparently dying on a bunk. Lupins are
everywhere, in the fire, on the bed, a large pile of them forms a
pillow. The female peasant is moaning and the male peasant is
kneeling beside her offering her a lupin. Moore enters slowly.)
Male Peasant:
(dressed largely in a lupin suit)
Try and eat some, my dear. It'll give you strength.
(Dennis Moore reverently approaches the bed;
the male peasant looks round and sees him)
Oh Mr Moore, Mr Moore, she's going fast.
Dennis Moore:
Don't worry, I've... I've brought you something.
Male Peasant: Medicine at last?
Dennis Moore:
No.
Male Peasant:
Food?
Dennis Moore:
No.
Male Peasant:
Some blankets perhaps... clothes... wood for
the fire...
Dennis Moore:
No. Lupins!
Male Peasant:
(exploding) Oh Christ!
Dennis Moore:
(astonished) I thought you liked them.
Male Peasant:
I'm sick to bloody death of them.
Female Peasant:
So am I.
Male Peasant:
She's bloody dying and all you bring us is
lupins. All we've eaten mate for the last four bleeding weeks is
lupin soup, roast lupin, steamed lupin, braised lupin in lupin sauce,
lupin in the basket with sauted lupins, lupin meringue pie, lupin
sorbet... we sit on lupins, we sleep in lupins, we feed the cat on
lupins, we burn lupins, we even wear the bloody things!
Dennis Moore:
Looks very smart.
Male Peasant:
Oh shut up! We're sick to death with the
stench of them. (sound of a miaow and then a bump) Look. The cat's
just choked itself to death on them. (we see a dead cat with lupins
coming out of its mouth) I don't care if I never see another lupin
till the day I die! Why don't you go out and steal something useful!
Dennis Moore:
Like what?
Male Peasant:
Like gold and silver and clothes and wood
and jewels and...
Dennis Moore:
Hang on, I'll get a piece of paper.
(Cut to a montage of shots of Moore riding
away from the hut over which we hear the song.) |
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Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dumdum alum the night.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dun de dun
dum plight.
He steals dumdum dun
And dumdum dum dee
Dennis dun, Dennis dee, dum dum dum. |
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(Cut back to the ballroom to find the same
people discussing British history.)
Buckingham:
This, coupled with the presence of Peter and
his Prussians at Mecklenburg and Charles and his Swedes in Pomerania,
made George and Stanhope eager to come to terms with France.
Grantley:
Meanwhile, a breach had now opened with...
(Moore swings in as before.)
Grantley:
Oh no, not again.
Buckingham:
Come on.
Dennis Moore:
Stand and deliver again! Your money, your
jewellery, your... hang on.
(he takes out a list)
Your clothes, your snuff, your ornaments,
your glasswear, your pussy cats...
Buckingham:
(aside to the first lady) Don't say anything
about the lupins...
Dennis Moore:
Your watches, your lace, your spittoons...
(Cut to a montage pretty much as before but
with Moore riding through the glades dragging behind him a really
enormous bag marked with "swag" in very olde English
lettering. This bag is about twenty feet long and bumps along the
ground behind the home with the appropriate sound effects to make it
sound full of valuable jewels, gold, silver, etc. Song as follows.)
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Riding through the woods.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
With a bag of things.
He gives to the poor and he takes from
the rich
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore.
(As he arrives at the poor peasant's
cottage they run out. They all open the bag together to the peasants
enormous and unmeasurate joy.)
Moore:
Here we are.
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION:
"THE END" |
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More Dennis Moore...
Oh, once upon a time... there lived in
Wiltshire a young Chap called Dennis Moore. Now Dennis was a
highwayman by profession...
(we see Dennis Moore riding along with a
big bag of swag)
...and for several months he had been
stealing from the rich to give to the poor. One day...
(Mix through to a shot of Dennis Moore
arriving with another bag of goodies. The peasants who greet him are
by now very smartly dressed and the cottage has been refurbished.)
Dennis Moore:
Here we are again, Mr Jenkins.
(Dennis leaves the bag and wheels his horse around)
There we are... I'll be back.
(he rides off again purposefuly)
(Cut to ballroom, in fact it is the same
one featured in "Dennis Moore Rides Again". The walls are
bare and the people are down to their undergarments. They sit around
the table gnawing pieces of bread and dipping them in a watery soup.
The central bowl of soup contains a lupin.)
Buckingham:
Meanwhile Frederick William bushy engaged in
defending against the three great powers the province of Silesia...
Grantley:
...which he had seized in the War of the
Austrian succession against his word.
First Lady:
Yes, I remember.
Man:
...was now dependent on Pitt's subsidies.
(Moore swings in through the window. They
all respond to him with listless moans of disappointment.)
Dennis Moore:
My lords, my ladies, on your feet, please.
(he is ignored and therefore says commandingly)
I must ask you to do exactly as I say or I
shall be forced to shoot you right between the eyes.
(they stand up hurriedly)
Well not right between the eyes, I mean when
I say between the eyes, obviously I don't have to be that accurate, I
mean, if I hit you in that sort of area, like that, obviously, that's
all right for me, I mean, I don't have to try and sort of hit a point
bisecting a line drawn between your pupils or anything like that. I
mean, from my point of view, it's perfectly satisfactory...
First Lady:
What do you want? Why are you here?
Dennis Moore:
Why are any of us here? I mean, when you get
down to it, it's all so meaningless, isn't it? I mean what do any of
us want...
Buckingham:
No, no, what do you want now?
Dennis Moore:
Oh I see, oh just the usual things, a little
place of my own, the right girl...
Grantley:
No, no, no! What do you want from us?
Dennis Moore:
Oh sorry. Your gold, your silver, your jewellery.
Buckingham:
You've taken it all.
First Lady:
This is all we've got left.
Dennis Moore:
That's nice. I'll have them. Come on. (he
takes all the spoons)
Buckingham:
You'd better take the bloody lupin too.
Dennis Moore:
Thank you very much, I've gone through that stage.
(he grabs the rope and swings out again)
(Short montage of Dennis riding
accompanied by the song.)
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Etcetera, etcetera...
(He leaps off his home and runs to the
door of the hut, throws the door open and enters. The little hut is
now stuffed with all possible signs of wealth and all imaginable treasures.)
Male Peasant:
What you got for us today then.
Dennis Moore:
Well I've managed to find you four very nice
silver spoons Mr Jenkins.
Male Peasant:
(snatching them rudely.)
Who do you think you are giving us poor this rubbish?
Female Peasant:
Bloody silver. Won't have it in the house.
(throws it away)
And those candlesticks you got us last week
were only sixteen carat.
Male Peasant:
Yes, why don't you go out and steal
something nice like some Venetian silver.
Female Peasant:
Or a Velasquez for the outside loo.
Dennis Moore:
Oh all right. (turns purposefully)
(Usual montage of Dennis Moore riding
plus song.)
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Riding through the land
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Without a merry band
He steals from the poor.
And gives to the rich
Stupid bitch.
(Dennis Moore reins to sudden halt and
looks over to camera.)
Dennis Moore:
What did you sing?
Singers:
(speaking)
We sang... he steals from the poor and gives
to the rich.
Dennis Moore:
Wait a tic... blimey, this redistribution of
wealth is trickier than I thought.
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(Women's Institute applause.) |
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