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TV Announcer:
That was episode two of "The Death of
Mary, Queen of Scots", adapted radio by Bernard Hollowood and
Brian London. And now, Radio 4 will explode.
Music
(The radio explodes
Two old women are sitting on the couch
listening to the radio when it explodes. One looks at the other.)
First Old Women (Graham Chapman):
We'll have to watch the telly then.
Second Old Women (John Cleese):
Yes.
First Old Women:
Well, what's on the television then?
Second Old Women:
It looks like a penguin.
(On the TV set there is indeed a penguin.
It sits contentedly looking at them in a stuffed sort of way. There
is nothing on the screen.)
First Old Women:
No, no, no, I didn't mean what was on the
television set, I meant what programme?
Second Old Women:
Oh.
(The Second Old Women goes to the TV,
switches it on and returns to her chair. The
set takes a long time to warm up and produce a picture. During
this pause the following conversation takes place.)
Second Old Women:
It's funny that penguin being there, innit?
What's it doing there?
First Old Women:
Standing.
Second Old Women:
I can see that!
First Old Women:
If it lays an egg it will fall down the back
of the Television set.
Second Old Women:
We'll have to watch that.
(pause)
Unless it's a male.
First Old Women:
Ooh, I never thought of that.
Second Old Women:
Yes, looks fairly butch.
First Old Women:
Perhaps it comes from next door.
Second Old Women:
Penguins don't come from next door,
they come from the Antarctic.
First Old Women:
BURMA!
(sound of tea spoon being dropped into tea cup)
Second Old Women:
Why did you say Burma?
First Old Women:
I panicked.
Second Old Women:
Oh. Perhaps it's from the Zoo.
First Old Women:
Which zoo?
Second Old Women:
How should I know which Zoo?
I'm not Dr. Bloody Bronowski!!
First Old Women:
How does Dr. Bronowski know which zoo it
came from?
Second Old Women:
He knows everything!
First Old Women:
Oh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the
mystery out of life. Anyway if it was from the zoo it would have
'Property of the Zoo' stamped on it!
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