I will not waste chalk I will not aim for the head I will not skateboard in the halls I will not barf unless I'm sick I will not burp in class I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty I will not instigate revolution I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge   I will not draw naked ladies in class I will not conduct my own fire drills I did not see Elvis I will return the seeing-eye dog Funny noises are not funny I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" I will not snap bras Garlic gum is not funny I will not fake seizures They are laughing at me, not with me This punishment is not boring and meaningless I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom My name is not Dr. Death I will not encourage others to fly I will not defame New Orleans I will not fake my way through life I will not prescribe medication Tar is not a plaything I will not bury the new kid I will not Xerox my butt I will not teach others to fly It's potato, not potatoe I will not bring sheep to class I will not trade pants with others A burp is not an answer The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy I am not a 32 year old woman Teacher is not a leper I will not do that thing with my tongue Coffee is not for kids I will not drive the principal's car I will not eat things for money I will not pledge allegiance to Bart I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call I will not sell school property The principal's toupee is not a frisbee I will not cut corners I will not squeak chalk I do not have diplomatic immunity I will not charge admission to the bathroom I will not get very far with this attitude Goldfish don't bounce I will not make flatulent noises in class Mud is not one of the 4 food groups I will not belch the National Anthem No one is interested in my underpants I will not sell land in Florida I will not sell miracle cures I will not grease the monkey bars Underwear should be worn on the inside I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment The Christmas pageant does not stink I will not do anything bad ever again I will not torment the emotionally frail I will not show off I will not call the principal "spud head" I will not carve gods I will not sleep through my education I will not spank others I am not a dentist I will not bribe Principal Skinner Spitwads are not free speech I will finish what I start Nobody likes sunburn slappers "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender High explosives and school don't mix Hamsters cannot fly All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man I will not go near the kindergarten turtle I am not deliciously saucy Organ transplants are best left to the professionals I will not send lard through the mail I will not use abbrev. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal Indian burns are not our cultural heritage There are plenty of businesses like show business I will not dissect things unless instructed I will not hang donuts on my person No one wants to hear my armpits I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface I will not celebrate meaningless milestones I will not strut around like I own the place Next time it could be me on the scaffolding The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist I am not a lean mean spitting machine The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan I will not whittle hall passes out of soap Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things I do not have power of attorney over first graders Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr I am not certified to remove asbestos "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball I will remember to take my medication The boys room is not a water park Beans are neither fruit nor musical Nerve gas is not a toy "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism The First Amendment does not cover burping Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough Official Simpsons Stuff and Videos are Available at "The Simpsons" TM and Copyright FOX and it's related companies. All rights reserved. This is a NOT FOR PROFIT fan site and is not authorized by FOX.