A Simpsons Page

"Donuts ... is there anything they can't do?"

"Can't talk ... eating."

"I'm not a praying man, but if you're up there, save me Superman!"

"Marge, the reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think!"

"Marge, send the kids to the neighbors, I'm going to Moe's and coming back loaded."

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Professional athletes, always wantin' more."

"Oh, this time I have gone too far. No, no one will fall for... Woo hoo! Cheap meat! ... Oooh, this one's open."

"Stomach -- churning!
Bowels -- clenching!
Not much time ... must ... finish ..."

"Oh, rancid meat attack! Stupid parasites."

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!"

"When you're an experienced woodsman, you get a feel for these things.
It's like a third sense."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one,'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"

"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."

"Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth."

"Asleep at the switch"? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!"

"Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!"

"Come on, pal! Fugu me!"

"Are we there yet? I'm thirsty."

"Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough! So, they got Hercules. And Hercules used his mighty strength, and Bingo! Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big ... thing ... of riches."

"When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!"

"Here are your messages: 'You have 30 minutes to move your car', 'You have 10 minutes', 'Your car has been impounded', 'Your car has been crushed into a cube', 'You have 30 minutes to move your cube'".

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?

"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"

"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"