Homer "Moe, get the darts. I want to play." Moe "No. We're phasing out the games; people drink less when they're having fun." Moe "Eddie! Would you like some pretzels?" Eddie (the cop) "No thanks, we're on duty. A couple of beers would be nice, though." Moe "Increased job satisfaction and family togetherness are poison for a purveyor of mind-numbing intoxicants like myself." Moe "Homer, lighten up! You're making an ironic mockery of happy hour."   Barney "Whooaa, someone smells stinky! Oh, it's me." Barney "Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Talk to the woman and you'll realize you have nothing in common." Homer "Barney, thats so insightful - how did you come up with it?" Barney "It was printed on this bar napkin." Jimbo Jones "Hey! You're that drunken posse. Wow ... can I join ya?" Homer "I don't know ... can you swing a sack of door knobs?" Jimbo Jones "Can I?" Homer "You're in! Here's the sack." Moe "But you gotta supply your own knobs." Bart (on telephone) "Is Mister Freely there?" Moe "Who?" Bart (on telephone) "Freely, first initials I. P." Moe "Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is I. P. Freely here? Hey everybody, I. P. Freely!" Bart (on telephone) "Is Jacques there?" Moe "Who?" Bart (on telephone) "Jacques, last name Strap." Moe "Uh, hold on. Uh, Jacques ... Strap ... Hey guys I'm looking for a Jacques Strap." Bart (on telephone) "Hello, is Al there?" Moe "Al?" Bart (on telephone) "Yeah, Al. Last name: Coholic." Moe "Lemme check ... Phone call for Al. Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?" Bart (on telephone) "Is Oliver there?" Moe "Who?" Bart (on telephone) "Oliver Clothesoff." Moe "Hold on, I'll check. Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!" Bart (on telephone) "Hello, is Homer there?" Moe "Homer who?" Bart (on telephone) "Homer ... Sexual." Moe "Wait one second, let me check. Uh, Homer Sexual? Hey, come on, one of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual!" Moe "Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to drink." Bart (on telephone) "Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch." Moe "Hold on, I'll check. Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?" Moe "Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy." Bart (on telephone) "Is Seymour there? Last name Butz." Moe "Just a sec. Is there a Butz here? A Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!" Bart (on telephone) "Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh." Moe "Uh, hold on, I'll check. Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!" Bart (on telephone) "Uh, yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem? First name, Bea." Moe "Uh, yeah, just a minute, I'll check. Uh, Bea O'Problem? Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?" Laura Winfield (on telephone) "Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name ... Ivana?" Moe "Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses ... Ivana Tinkle!" Moe "Yeah, just a sec; I'll check ... Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin'fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?" Barney "Maybe your standards are too high!" Moe "OK, when I call your name, uh, you say 'present' or 'here'. Er, no, say 'present'. Ahem, Anita Bath? All right, settle down. Anita Bath here? All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks. Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh: I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well children, I can't help that! Mr Burns "I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Waylon." Moe "Oh... So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon is it? Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes, and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!" Moe "Moe's Tavern ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt." Official Simpsons Stuff and Videos are Available at "The Simpsons" TM and Copyright FOX and it's related companies. All rights reserved. This is a NOT FOR PROFIT fan site and is not authorized by FOX.