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Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
Kirk never really got into that
kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
Kirk has sex more than once a season.
One word: Hair.
Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-wig.
Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
Picard is a Frenchman with an
English accent.
Kirk would date Beverly Crusher
-- and damn the consequences !!
Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser
and a smile.
Kirk would personally throw
Wesley off his bridge.
Two words: Shoulder roll.
Kirk doesn't wear dresses when
Admirals arrive for lunch.
Kirk once said: "I've got a
belly-ache -- and it's a beauty".
Kirk would never sing to children
in a crisis.
Kirk can almost drive a stick-shift.
Kirk, almost single-handedly,
re-populated the
Earth's whale population.
Kirk says, "Prime Directive?
What Prime Directive?"
Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
Kirk was never infiltrated by the
Borg and used against the Federation.
Kirk ate little coloured cubes
and still remained relatively healthy.
Kirk made do with obviously low
performance technology.
Kirk never pretends to be a
barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
Kirk wasn't shy about taking his
shirt off -- even around those pesky Yeomans.
Kirk would never waste a holodeck
on something as stupid as Dixon Hill.
Kirk never once stood up and had
to straighten his shirt.
One word: Velour.
Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
When Kirk was Picard's age, he
retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
When Picard was 37, he was only
Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was
Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
Kirk liked a good belt of liquor
every now and again.
One word: Iman.
Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he
would rip off its head and shit down its neck.
Kirk says: "Shoot first and
wait for retaliation".
Kirk's first officer never tells
him to stay on the bridge.
Kirk never leaves the room to
bawl somebody out.
Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom
of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
Two words: Funky sideburns.
Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
Kirk never once said:
"Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!".
Kirk is not politically correct.
Kirk never got dumped by a woman
for an intergalactic busybody named after a letter of the alphabet.
Kirk never once wore green tights
and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
If there was ever a Klingon on
Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
Ever heard of a bar shooter
called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up
Scotty" then? See the difference?
One word: Miniskirts.
Kirk's girlfriends always look
good in soft light.
Kirk never went anywhere without
a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
Kirk's first officer didn't play
some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
Kirk had more dates than his
first officer.
The extent of Kirk's knowledge of
Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "Go F**k Yourself."
If something doesn't speak
English -- it's toast.
Kirk wasn't some prissy
archaeology fan.
Picard's middle name isn't tough
or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
If Kirk finds a strange spinning
probe, he blows it up.
Picard never met Joan Collins.
Picard flunked his entrance exams
to Starfleet.
Picard hasn't fathered any
children; Kirk -- probably millions.
Kirk has a cool phaser -- not
some pansy Braun mix-master.
Two words: Line delivery.
Picard grew up on a quaint little
French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung
bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
Kirk emphasizes his orations with
pertinent hand gestures.
Kirk once made a cannon out of
bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds
into the hearts of his enemies (Need we say more?).
Kirk is not put off by green skin.
Kirk knows how to deal with peace
loving hippie goofs.
Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
Kirk barely asks for suggestions.
And if he does, he asks Spock only.
Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell
him what to do.
One word: Fisticuffs.
Kirk's name is hated throughout
the galaxy.
Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but
he doesn't let it show.
You can never lock Kirk up for
very long.
Kirk's eulogies can actually make
you cry.
Kirk plays god with lesser
cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
Kirk's son would never drop out
to become a musician.
Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube
and fix anything.
Kirk never hired an engineer with
punk glasses.
The Klingons didn't have a word
for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
Kirk's bridge is not beige.
Two words: Crane shots.
Picard likes wimpy violin music
-- and coerces Data into playing it.
Picard allows cats on board,
while Kirk beams away even really cute things like Tribbles.
Kirk is a cultural icon - Picard
is just some guy who's really nice.
Kirk specifically ordered a
swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
Kirk would never touch Synthahol.
Kirk looks distinguished in
reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes".
Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters,
Nazis and even the Pentagon - easily.
Picard likes painting nudes, for
art's sake.
When Kirk doesn't trust the
Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans,
he gets fired at.
Kirk never once, ever, wore a
wiener wrapping
Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
Kirk never gets his command codes
locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
Kirk doesn't test the engines --
he just fires them up.
When Kirk says "Boldly
Go," he means it.
Three words: Flying leg kick.
Picard's crew would never ever
think of him as a sexual object.
Kirk traveled through The Great
Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit
with electric sheets.
Kirk would never let his Chief of
Security wear A ponytail.
Kirk has an annoying kid (Charlie
X) and loses him by the end of the episode. Picard STILL can't keep
the Weasel from coming back.
Kirk would never have a Counselor.
Kirk took a cloaking device from
the Romulans. Picard gave a cloaking device back to the Romulans.
Kirk just happens to be the ONLY
person EVER in the History in the Great Big Federation to beat the
Kobashi Maru test, thanks to his mastery of all things computerized.
Kirk can count; he never called
Spock Number One (he's second in rank, obviously).
Kirk would have beaten Q at his
own game, a la Trelane, and then called up the Q-continuum to take
him home.
Kirk could have made Lore
self-destruct in 5 minutes. (i.e. People are irrational. They must be
destroyed. You have feelings. You must be a person. You must be destroyed.)
Kirk invented a card game,
fizzbin. Picard won't even play poker.
Best character on Picard's ship,
Riker, a wanna-be Kirk.
Picard says, "Let's talk
this over." Kirk shoots them on the spot.
One word: Balls.
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